Jesus revised

This is my first reading of the bible and the life of Jesus in a new context. I like it. Immensely. I find many deviations , altercations and explanations quite normal and amusing. In the revised version-

• Mother Mary dies during childbirth.
• Father Joseph is a rich n famous carpenter, farmer n Rabbi.
• The stepmother Mariya has 3 sons n 2 daughters.
• John the Baptist disowns Jesus.
• Jesus suffers from migraine n poetry
• Jesus was the leader of the revolutionary party, nazrains.
• Jesus doesn't perform miracles.
• Donkey was an expensive commodity.
• Lazar was a traitor.
• Martha, the sister of Lazar was in love with Jesus.
• The heartbroken Magdalene Mary plots against Jesus out of spite.
• Judas had epilepsy. He is not a traitor.
• Herodia and Judas are innocent as lambs.
• Barabas was a revolutionary.

Now. As a descendant  of Thoma, I'm totally confused. What to believe? What not to?